How to tell the difference between different genres of metal
- POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
- THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
- HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
- FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
- VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
- DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
- BLACK METAL: The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
- GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
- DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
- PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
- GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
- NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
I Don’t See Why People Think This Hologram Stuff Is Bad…
Apparently people think the ‘dead legends’ should rest in peace.
1) They ain’t going anywhere. They’re dead. It’s a hologram. They’re not ressurecting or reanimating dead musicians to form an ungodly zombie band.
2) How is it much different from the swathes of merchandise that skyrockets in production once an artist dies? If they consider merchandise as bad as holograms, then Hendrix hasn’t been able to rest in peace for a long. Long. Time.
3) It’s just a freaking step up from watching recordings of the artists perform. It’s essentially a video from youtube that cancels out everything except the artist, and it’s thrown onto a stage for people to actually gather round and watch as if it were a concert.
Sure it might be uncomfortable for fans, family and friends. Sure, it’s not as good as the real thing.
But it’s as close as you’re going to get.
And
It’s just a hologram. It’s practically no worse than all the videos out there of dead musicians.
I’d love to go to Wembley and see HoloHendrix do HoloWoodstock, or watch HoloMetallica play one of their Ride The Lightning shows with HoloCliffBurton
People just need time to adapt.
And I hope they adapt fast.
People can never let a decent idea go without complaining…
How to tell the difference between different genres of metal
- POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
- THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
- HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
- FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
- VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
- DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
- BLACK METAL: The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
- GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
- DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
- PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
- GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
- NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
Several pictures of Eddie the head ranging from one of his first depictions as a zombie, to the later versions such as the soldier.
Duff McKagan , Izzy Stradlin & Slash
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